


Wild Youth

by seyfried01



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Azgeda, Camp Jaha, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, Comfort, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Nation - Freeform, Love, The 100 - Freeform, The CW, They love each other, after season 2, clarke and lexa - Freeform, clarke and lexa endgame, grounders, its basically canon, its cute, lots of love, the 100 fanfictions, the 100 smut, the 100 tv show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6034234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seyfried01/pseuds/seyfried01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Clarke leaves Camp Jaha, she finds herself wandering aimlessly through the woods. After months of hiking across the unclaimed land, Clarke once again finds herself outside of the temporary grounder camp. Not knowing it is Wanheda, guards take the shaken girl to their leader: Lexa.<br/>Lexa has been worried about Clarke ever since the news of her leaving her people surfaced among Trikru. The sweltering love Lexa felt for Clarke immediately resurfaces, while Clarke may or may not feel the same way towards The Commander. Either way, Clarke is now trapped inside The Commander's tent, with nowhere else to run.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke Griffin stumbled over a fallen tree that had collapsed on the man-made path weaving itself through the dense forest. Her red hair sheltered her face from the unwanted sunlight. It was too early for her to actually acknowledge that it was daytime.

Hearing movement through the brush, Clarke perked up, her wild eyes scanning the tree line, makeshift knife clutched in her dirty, white knuckles. As the sound drew closer to Clarke's ears, she backed into a small bush, watching fervently with a steady gaze. After some time, a small rodent, most comparable to a rat, skittered from underneath the foliage. Clarke laughed to herself for being so fearful, but she had good reason.

After the incident at Mount Weather, Clarke decided to leave Camp Jaha. She left the safety of her home and of her people to become rogue, following only the sun and the footprints of panthers. From then on, she had been alone, foraging and making her way through uncharted territory, being constantly hunted by Azgeda. She had not heard directly, but she had caught bits and pieces of information that categorized her as Wanheda, the commander of death. Even thinking about what she did to get that name made Clarke shiver in remembrance.

Clarke continued to walk, her legs growing tired, but her mind restless. The trail led Clarke to a tree line, a covering made from bushes and tall grasses. As Clarke moved forward, pushing the green out of her path, she came across a small pile of animal meat. Most of the animals were squirrels, though some were bigger. Even though the species varied, the state of destruction was the same. The animals were already ravaged by something else, most likely human. Half bodies remained, carcasses open, though Clarke knew there was still meat hiding within the creatures that lay dead in a horrid-smelling pile.

Clarke moved forward, curious, picking through the pile for a food source. As she concentrated at the task at hand, her stomach growled, urging her to hurry up and pick what she was going to eat. Her last meal was a shrew she had found under a stone. That was four days ago.

Clarke pushed her fiery locks from her face as she picked through the animal carcasses, focusing on what looked the least diseased.

Suddenly, a calloused hand wrapped around Clarke's face, muffling the scream building in her throat. Her hands grasped and pulled desperately at the skin surrounding the strong arm of the person holding her.

"Nou set daun! Shof op. En's ogud."

Clarke calmed at the voice of an obvious Trikru grounder. The Trigedasleng was so fluent it had to be the forest ones. He let her go and let her turn to look at him. Somewhere in the fight, the warrior had tied her hands together with thick rope. It began to burn her skin as she struggled. Red began to flush as the rope clawed at her wrists. The grounder nodded at her and grabbed her wrists, not knowing that he was roughly shuffling Wanheda. The hair masked her completely. He had no idea it was the leader of Skaikru. Clarke suddenly realized how alone she really was; how alone she had made herself. She struggled against the rope once more but as blood trickled down her arm, she stopped. Wanheda was down.

~*~

Lexa was tidying up her tent, pulling the furs up on her king bed, occasionally priding herself in the antler design that twisted itself towards the ceiling of the tent. The Commander made her way out of her room, pushing aside the thin veil that separated her private quarters from her throne room. Maps were scattered across the large dining table set with only a pitcher of water. Lexa hadn't eaten in almost two days. Her stomach rumbled as Indra informed her that Wanheda was being hunted by Azgeda, and every other surrounding tribe. Her Clarke was wandering alone in the woods somewhere, most likely fearful and without comfort. The thought of Clarke sleeping alone tore at Lexa's inside like a blunt sword. She couldn't imagine the pain that the blonde must be suffering through.

A riot sounded itself from outside of The Commander's tent. Lexa's ears perked up, exhilarated to be in charge again, being granted to stop a fight amongst her warriors. Inserting herself into situations that emerged across camp was almost like a drug to her.

Lexa stepped outside of her tent, acquainting herself with the open, outdoor air her tent could never offer, before approaching the scuffle with broad shoulders and an eye for power. As Lexa approached her warriors, she spotted two in particular, practically dragging a red haired prisoner behind them.

The prisoner was bleeding from the force of the rope around her wrists. Although her face could not be seen through the wild, untamed locks, Lexa noticed her stance was drowsy and weak. It must have been a long journey. Lexa tilted her chin upwards at her warriors.

"Heda," one spoke, a deep sound emanating from his throat. He bowed to her before speaking again.

"This girl was found outside the Trikru boundary. She was eating the remains of our kills."

The warrior must have spoken in English in order for the girl to understand what her crimes were. Lexa nodded.

"Bring her to me. I'll decide what to do with her."

At the sound of Lexa's voice, the prisoner's head shot up, her crazed blue eyes searching for the source. Their eyes locked as Clarke attempted to back away, again struggling against the ropes, wounds being reopened and blood rushing down her elbows.

Lexa gathered enough strength to speak, although her chest felt like it was caving in, betraying her.

"Clarke."

~*~

Nou set daun: Calm down

Shof op: Be quiet

En's ogud: It's okay


	2. Chapter 2

"Let her go, Ryder," Lexa growled. She knew it wasn't her soldier's fault. He had no idea who it was. Lexa watched as her warrior released his grip on the girl and pushed her forward. Clarke lost her footing, and without her arms to support her, and her drowsy, blurred vision, she fell forward, nearly hitting the ground before being caught by strong, tanned arms. Lexa had caught her, holding the wild girl around her abdomen with both hands. Lexa glared at Ryder, giving him a warning to back away. He understood the message, bowing in apology, before turning to the surrounding men and signaling them to leave Heda at peace with the prisoner. 

Clarke tiredly looked up at Lexa, her blue eyes hooded with sleep. Lexa gave a small smile at her Sky Princess, then pulled her up to be cradled against the Commander's chest, like a small child. Clarke purred in the expanse on Lexa's skin where shoulder met throat, closing her eyes against the bare warmth that cradled her head, and feeling her legs sway over Lexa's strong arms as the Commander walked into her tent, sealing the door for privacy. 

Lexa sat Clarke at the large oak table, making sure the girl was balanced and awake. She cut the middle of the rope that strangled Clarke's wrists. She could work on taking them off individually later, but for right now, as long as Clarke could move freely, Lexa was sated. She walked towards the back of her dining quarters, looking for food.

"You must be very hungry," Lexa commented, only to return to the table with a tray of bread and assorted cheeses. Clarke looked up at Lexa, still refusing to say a word to the dark haired girl. Clarke slowly began eating, picking at her food and eating like a squirrel; bits and pieces at a time. 

Lexa watched the girl remorsefully, studying the ragged Sky Princess that sat silently at her dining table. She couldn't help but wonder how Clarke got here. What she had to do to diminish her body into the mess that nearly puddled at the mere sight of real food. Lexa sat straight up, watching the girl from across the table, keeping her respectful distance. She watched as Clarke ate. The girl that once was garnished with blonde locks that twisted and curled in a beautiful wave down her back, now adorned red dreads, her hair matted and dirty. Lexa felt her heart beating against her chest, her ribs taking the impact of the blows. It was obvious that even after all this time, Lexa still could not control her feelings towards the rich-hearted girl sitting across from her.

Clarke looked up at Lexa, folding her hands back into her lap, signaling that she was finished. Lexa immediately stood, too quick for Clarke's liking. The girl flinched at the Commander's movements, Lexa scolding herself for not thinking. Lexa slowly approached Clarke, hands at her sides.

"I'm sorry," the Commander said softly, kneeling down to Clarke's sitting height. Clarke refused to meet Lexa's eyes. The girl was ashamed that she had to find her in this state. Clarke was supposed to be the leader of her people. Her own Commander. Now, here she sat, flinching at sudden movements and suddenly muting herself for her own emotional protection.

The sky outside the tent began to darken, Lexa hearing the beginning crackles and roars of nearby fires. People were retiring for the night. 

Lexa reached out her hand to Clarke. "Would you like a bath?" Lexa questioned, but refusing to force it onto the girl. Although Clarke looked like she desperately needed soap, it was ultimately her decision. It was her body.

"Yes...please." Clarke's voice was rough from misuse and her temporary muteness. 

Lexa's face flushed at Clarke's beautiful voice, forgetting how the girl had the ability to push the most beautiful melody from her mouth, capturing Lexa in a state of unrest and leaving her to putty. 

Lexa smiled as Clarke took her hand, and the girls walked to the bathing room, separated from the dining room by another thin veil. 

~*~

Clarke undressed once comfortable in her surroundings. Lexa struggled to avoid staring at the goddess nearly nude in her presence, and decided it would be best if she continued to dump heated water into the large basin. 

Steam rose in the room, the water warm, but never scalding. Lexa made sure it wouldn't hurt Clarke and any wounds she may have. Clarke eased her way into the tub, hissing at the sudden heat on her back, but settled into the water, closing her eyes and letting the steam surround her senses. 

Lexa swallowed, her throat going dry as she stared at the beauty sitting naked before her, surrounded by warming water. Lexa cleared her throat before rising.

"I'll be in the other room if-"

Lexa was stopped by a wet hand gently around her wrist. Lexa looked down at her arm, then back up to glowing blue eyes.

"Please...stay." Clarke's voice was almost unheard, the mousy whisper caressing Lexa's ears. 

Lexa felt her knees buckle, but nodded in agreement, her heart fluttering at the plead. 

Lexa knelt before the tub, taking a small bar of soap Indra had made for her, and slowly lathered Clarke's body with suds and lavender. Clarke's eyes were closed again, softly purring from her throat at the warmth surrounding her and the first human presence in over 6 months. 

Lexa was sure to avoid any sensitive areas and skipped completely passed the breasts of the girl who was completely unaware of Lexa's feelings. The Commander just focused on caring for the girl, pushing her feelings of lust aside. 

When it came time to wash Clarke's hair, Lexa grabbed a pitcher she had set out just for that purpose. Filling it with warm water, Lexa slowly poured small amounts over Clarke's hair, holding her hand above her forehead to prevent any water from intruding Clarke's relaxed face.

Lexa watched, amazed, as the red dye quickly was rinsed from the locks, the water below her turning a slight pink. After some time, Lexa not only got all of the red from Clarke's hair, but she also untangled the snarls that left Clarke almost unrecognizable. Now, the blonde had shining hair, her strands smooth and beautiful again. 

Lexa smiled at her work, but as she went to talk to Clarke, she realized the girl was asleep. Lexa chuckled under her breath, but lifted the girl carefully from the quickly cooling water. Clarke murmured into Lexa's neck, but remained unfazed by the movement. Lexa gently kissed Clarke's eyebrow, knowing that the girl was too asleep to notice Lexa's affection. 

The Commander slowly walked the nude, vulnerable girl to her sleeping quarters, entering a room lit with candles and protected from any prying eyes. Clarke was completely safe. Lexa felt her heart pang at the idea that this may be the first time in months that the poor blonde had felt protected. 

Lexa dressed Clarke in the thinnest sleepwear she owned, making sure the girl was comfortable, before lying the sleeping princess on the mattress of Lexa's large bed. Heda covered Clarke with her thick furs, making sure Clarke stayed warm. She would do anything to keep the girl she loved comfortable. 

Although Clarke was sleeping in her bed, Lexa decided it wasn't a good idea to lie next to the girl she longed to kiss. Instead, Lexa slept on the floor beside the bed, but made sure her hand stayed on Clarke's ankle, making sure that she was real and present and safe. 

"Goodnight, ai hodness," was whispered through the dark crevices of the night. The only light came from burning candles that surrounded the girls in a safe cocoon of comfort. Lexa grinned before drifting to sleep, her hand still gently connecting with Clarke.

~*~

Lexa woke to a muffled scream. Her commander instincts immediately kicked in, and she stood upright and in fighting stance. She looked for an intruder, yet her hand stayed locked on Clarke, making sure the girl was safe. Only then did she realize that the sound was coming from the sleeping blonde.

Lexa turned to look down towards the bed, only to find a squirming Clarke. Her eyes were clenched shut and a sheen of sweat covered her skin, her clean hair clinging to her neck. 

Another haunting scream erupted from the lips of the Sky Princess, quickly filling the tent with a cacophony of fear.

~*~

Ai hodness: my love


	3. Chapter 3

Burning. So much burning. Fire scorching the earth, and searing the skin of the people in Mount Weather. This is worse than the radiation. The screams of the people as they suffered through their last moments in a blaze of white heat and blinding torture making a deafening sound in Clarke's ears. She watched in horror as flames erupted the mountain, and created craters in the flooring of the beautiful dining room, where bodies were dropping, their eyes open.

Their eyes all staring at Clarke.

~*~ 

Lexa didn't think she could get Clarke out of the prison that held her mind captive. The girl was thrashing, her screams erupting out of her glistening chest. Sweat slowly dripped off of the girl, the blonde radiating with heat, as she struggled to force herself out of the nightmarish hell she so unfortunately found herself in. Her eyes were pinched shut, her ribs contracting against the pale skin of her chest as air became harder and harder to take in. Lexa's heart broke as she watched in horror as the girl struggled with her own internal demons. 

Lexa approached the bed as quickly as she could, after her fear subsided, and her instincts to protect her love kicked in. She was on the bed as soon as she got around to the other side. On her knees next to Clarke's shaking body, Lexa put her hands over Clarke's arms.

"Wake up. Clarke, please wake up. Please."

Lexa's hurried pleas echoed in the tent. She put her right hand on Clarke's cheek, stroking the bone underneath her thumb. 

Clarke awoke suddenly, her eyes frantic and her body rigid. She had forgotten where she was. When she woke up, she saw only darkness and the faint light of the moon through the roof of the makeshift tent. It was only when she registered a hand softly, lovingly stroking her face that she calmed. Looking towards Lexa, Clarke began to breathe as she saw Lexa's green eyes sparkle with what little light could reach them. Lexa smiled soothingly.

"It was just a dream Clarke. I promise that you are safe here."

Clarke closed her eyes and tried to swallow the bile that rose as she remembered the horrid pictures that flashed through her head, even while awake. But she didn't fail to notice that the more Lexa touched her, the more the pictures went away. 

Soon, Clarke relaxed almost fully as Lexa began stroking her arms and holding her hands to hers. Lexa's palms were calloused and warm, but comforting. 

"Do you want to try to sleep again?" Lexa asked tentatively. If Clarke didn't feel ready, Lexa was just as content to touch any part of her for as long as Clarke needed. 

Clarke looked at Lexa and nodded, slowly pulling her hands from Lexa's and ignoring the cold that swept her fingers --and her heart-- as she laid back down on the damp pillow. She knew she wasn't going to be sleeping again for a while.

Lexa left the bed, and the weight of the mattress lifting felt like an anvil on Clarke's heart. She desperately wanted Lexa to stay, but wouldn't beg the Commander for comfort. It was only her first night here, and that wasn't her first nightmare, so Clarke knew how the rest of the night would go: She would restlessly squirm until light emerged from behind the trees, letting her know that it was safe to rise and ignore what had happened the night before. Only this time, Clarke wasn't in the woods. And she wasn't alone.

So as Lexa began remaking her bed and laying on the ground, her heart still shattering as her ears replayed Clarke's desperate screams, Clarke's mere whisper shattered the aching in the brunette. 

"Lexa...can you sleep with me? I don't really want to be alone," Clarke said, her voice like honey.

Lexa couldn't hide the grin, but immediately returned to her Commander facade as she stood, nodding at the blonde, before curling in beside her, their bodies clicking.

They fit perfectly. Lexa's right arm rested under Clarke's head, and her left draped over the girl's abdomen. Clarke pulled up the furs around them and Lexa felt her relax almost completely. She had never seen Clarke let down her walls like this before. And Lexa knew this was not a sign of weakness. It was a sign of trust.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lexa asked tentatively, not wanting to scare or upset the girl. Clarke shook her head, but buried deeper into the crevices of Lexa's body. 

"Goodnight Sky Princess," Lexa whispered, falling asleep surrounded by warmth and the smell of fresh water and early mornings. Lexa's heart fluttered as she fell asleep with her nose tucked into the crook of Clarke's neck, never before feeling this comfortable in her life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the positive responses! It is really so amazing when you guys give feedback, and I'm really excited to delve deeper into this story and possibly another. Thank you for the support, and I hope you guys like it so far!
> 
> I also make a lot of Clexa edits on my YouTube channel. My username is "the100trash" and I can post a link, though I'm sure it won't make it through. For any Clexa fans, please check those out, subscribe, like, anything. They are basically my babies and I love making them. Again, thank you for the support, and feel free to visit my channel. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAF69kouF8looxrH2HYez5g

When Clarke woke up the next morning, her senses were surrounded the smell of trees and Earth and the stars. She didn't want to open her eyes; she was afraid everything that had happened at the grounder camp was a dream. 

She couldn't bear the pain if it was.

Instead, Clarke focused on the gentle sound of the wind, and the way little slits of sunlight warmed her cheeks. She felt warmth by her side as well.

Growing restless, Clarke inched closer to the source, hearing a small sigh in response. The arms that had been holding her tightened around Clarke's back, pulling her even closer. Clarke opened her eyes.

Lexa was still asleep, her eyelids fluttering with dreams, her face at peace. It was more relaxed than Clarke had ever seen it. She had the sudden urge to stroke the tanned cheekbones with her fingertips.

Clarke barely held herself back, but regained her control. She ignored the fire in her stomach as Lexa's smell infested her nostrils. She knew Lexa couldn't be with her. She was Commander after all. Her people would always come first. Clarke was convinced that the kiss before Mount Weather was a mistake.

The blonde felt her eyes mist over at the thought of their kiss being a mistake. Clarke didn't think it was a mistake at all. The only reason she pulled away was because she knew that the heat boiling in her chest would get out of control if she didn't put a stop to it. She could've taken Lexa right there on that map table. 

Clarke cuddled in closer to Lexa, her nose finding the crevice in her neck, resting her head under Lexa's hardened chin. Clarke felt like she could stay like this forever. She never wanted to leave the arms of the beautiful Commander that held her like she was afraid that Clarke would leave. 

Clarke closed her eyes again and wished with everything she had that this could never end.

~*~

When Lexa awoke, her eyes were blurred and unfocused. After blinking several times, she felt movement under her chin. Pulling away slightly, she found Clarke's head cradled in her chest. Lexa's heart stuttered and a smile spread across her face. Clarke was murmuring in her sleep, and with every move Lexa made, Clarke would only move closer, as if to pin Lexa to her, welding them together.

Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead, feeling the blonde stir under her lips.

Clarke looked up at Lexa with hooded eyes and a soft smile. Lexa searched her eyes for any sign of fear or tiny traces of nightmares that could still be seen, but found only calm blue. 

"Good morning," Lexa cooed. Clarke closed her eyes again and tucked her head back under Lexa's chest. 

Lexa chuckled, trying to pry herself away from the greedy hands that held her close. Clarke only groaned a response but let go of her tight hold.

"Morning," Clarke grumbled. She was obviously not a morning person. 

Lexa felt her chest flutter again, and decided it would be best if she got up. 

When Clarke felt the bed rise, she felt empty. Almost like she did when she was alone in the forests outside of the Grounder camp. She rolled over and watched as Lexa moved around the veil, searching for fresh clothes; she had worn her battle gear all night, never willing to leave Clarke's side. 

Clarke lustfully watched as Heda shed her armour, her gear toppling to the floor, as she began pulling at her shirt. Lifting it up over her head, Clarke's mouth went dry as she watched the strong muscles of Lexa's back contract with the movement. Then she began unbuckling her pants.

Clarke turned away, knowing it was the only way to stop the heat between her legs. She couldn't feel this way about Lexa. She knew it was wrong. After what she did, she didn't deserve love. Clarke couldn't bear to think that she murdered hundreds of innocent people, only to turn around and embrace one of the best things that could ever happen to her. It made her sick to know while bodies lay charred on the floor of the mountain palace, she was living it up with the girl that she was madly in love with.

Bile rose in her throat, and Clarke quickly darted from the bed and sprinted outside of the tent, not minding the fact that she was still clad in her thin nightgown. 

Almost instantaneously, Lexa was by her side, rubbing small circles into the top of her spine and pulling her blond locks away from her perspirating face. Lexa whispered soothing words into Clarke's ear as her whole body contracted and she felt her stomach tearing itself apart. She couldn't get any air. 

Lexa kept rubbing circles, but took a leap of faith and kissed the side of Clarke's head soothingly, whispering kind words to the ill girl she held. Clarke found herself able to open her lungs again after that. 

When she was finished, Lexa took the shaking girl back inside the tent, ignoring the curious looks from her warriors. 

She guided Clarke back to the bed and left through the veil, only to come back in record time with a bowl and cold water. 

Clarke's skin felt heated but she tried to focus on the Commander taking care of her. 

Lexa dabbed cool water on Clarke's skin, washing away the grime and cooling the heat emanating off of the blonde. Clarke closed her eyes and whispered a small thank you, her eyes feeling tired again.

"You might've come down with something from all of those rotten animals Clarke," Lexa commented, not knowing what was racing through Clarke's head before she fell ill. 

"I will have Indra keep watch over you. I will be making a days trip to our healer in hopes to find you medicine to prevent your illness," Lexa said softly, her hands always touching Clarke, keeping the girl relaxed. 

Even though Lexa was touching her, Clarke tensed at the idea of Lexa leaving. Lexa felt the sudden contraction in her muscles, and began stroking Clarke's hip with her thumb, as her right hand kept dabbing cool water onto the stiffened girl.

"It will only be a day, Clarke. I will be back before sunrise tomorrow. I won't be gone long. You will be safe here with Indra."

Clarke's wild eyes were frantic, but immediately softened at Lexa's promise. She agreed, and begrudgingly watched Lexa leave the tent.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa triumphantly made it to the nearby market. Hurriedly leaping off her horse, she made a mad dash to the Healer Station. People escaped from her path and gave Heda her space, as they could obviously see she was on a mission. 

Once she reached the massive oak door that nearly swallowed the small hut it was attached to, Lexa knocked, hearing her demanding pound reverberate inside of the cottage-like sanctuary. Not long after, the healer begrudgingly opened the door, letting in the Commander. 

Lexa stepped in, her boots creating a powerful echo throughout the dimly lit room. Even though it was mid-afternoon, Lexa would hardly be able see if it wasn't for the multitude of candles laid ground to ceiling. The autodidact turned to Lexa, his skilled hands continuing with work, but his ears attentive.

"I need medication. Vomit represent. Probably from rotten food."

Lexa stood tall, squaring up the stout old man who sat restful in his chair, creating another substance for another client. He stopped, his brown eyes looking up towards Heda, then nodded.

"Ait. Set raun stegeda."

Lexa nodded at the command, not wanting to invade his space. She walked outside again, the sun shining on her warpaint beautifully.

Lexa took a few steps away from the shop, when a rough hand attacked her, clasping at her throat from behind. Lexa struggled to breathe, her windpipe being crushed.

A man, no taller than 6 feet, dragged Heda behind the rough walls of the Healer's hut. Lexa panicked, her weapons still with her horse. A beard tickled her ears, a wet, hot breath cascading down her neck.

"Azgeda challenges Trikru Heda to a battle of strength. To the death."

Lexa began seeing spots. The man let go, pushing the shaking commander to the ground. She collapsed on her front, screaming in pain as her hand was lifted by the Ice stranger, and the cold blade of a dagger drew across her palm. He shoved her arm back down, and Lexa cradled her bleeding hand, blood dripping to the grass below her as she waited for his heavy footsteps to clear out of earshot. 

When they finally faded, Lexa stood on her shaking knees, pulling the strength to lean against the wall of the Healer's house. She had to go through with it. She had no choice. She had to get the medicine, and she had to tell Clarke. Lexa raced back inside the hut.

~*~

Over at the temporary grounder camp, Clarke was combing through her wet hair, her body now free of the grime from the morning. 

Baths always relaxed her, and this time was no different. The blonde collapsed on the pile of pillows and furs that stretched across the gargantuan mattress that Lexa had housed on top of a beautifully decorated headboard. 

Clarke was surrounded by Lexa's scent, and the heat returned to the space between her legs. CLarke clenched her thighs and she rolled herself underneath the warm, comforting blanket of Lexa-smelling furs.

Clarke wanted to stop thinking. She didn't want to think about her feelings anymore. She could never have Lexa. It was a bad idea. She knew she would end up only getting hurt. Or worse, hurting Lexa. 

Clarke felt her eyes mist, but she kept calm, burrowing deeper into the musk that surrounded her. She would never tell Lexa, but she would never stop feeling this way towards the beautiful brunette who had an eye for war. 

~*~

"Ait. Set raun stegeda." - Okay. Go wait in the village.


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa arrived back to the Grounder village, hopping off her horse and leading it instead. Her heavy armor began to drag painfully across her sore muscles and her hand was bleeding through a total of three bandages. She began feeling woozy, but was determined to help Clarke.

Lexa grasped the medicine bottle in her hand as she gave her horse over to Indra. From there, the Commander headed swiftly back into her tent, her only goal to help clarke feel better. She cared so much about the blonde Sky Princess, and she would do anything to cure her love, even if it pained her to do so.

~*~

Clarke was still inside the tent, boredom sneaking up on her quickly. The blonde was pacing the tent as the sky outside darkened again. She was beginning to feel empty without Lexa by her side. She worried the brunette had gotten hurt, and her throat tightened.

Before her thoughts could race completely out of control, Clarke saw the entrance of the tent open and close, and Clarke ran from the bedroom and went straight into Lexa's arms, gripping the girl to her tightly, resting her head on her steel armor. She felt Lexa relax considerably in her arms, the taller Commander resting her cheek on Clarke's head. She pulled away to look at the blonde. 

Lexa took Clarke's pale face into her hands, watching her blue eyes warm and fill with the image of Heda.

"How are you feeling?" Lexa asked, her nearly whispered voice laced with concern. The blonde nodded.

"Better. I feel guilty that you went all that way just to come back and find me healed."

Lexa smirked and shrugged her heavy shoulders.

"Now we have medicine for later days," she said, her demeanor relaxing while holding Clarke.

But Clarke pulled away, taking Lexa's hands in hers. She suddenly felt wetness coat her palm.

Clarke gasped and looked to Lexa's hand, seeing her palm now covered with blood, the burgundy liquid pushing through the multiple layers of rough bandaging. 

"What happened?" Clarke asked, her face contorted in panic. Lexa closed her fist and pulled away from Clarke.

"I can handle it Clarke," Lexa said, determined to not let her weakness show to Clarke.

Clarke rolled her eyes and walked out of the room, heading towards the 'kitchen', collecting a bowl of warm water, a cloth, and an empty sack for new bandaging. Also grabbing Indra's soap, Clarke carried her materials into the bedroom. She set them all down on the stump of wood by the bed. Walking around, Clarke lit all of the candles, engulfing the room in a romanticized glow.

Lexa followed Clarke, not needing to be called.

"Sit," the blonde demanded, pointing towards the bed. She knew nothing remotely sexual was happening, but Lexa still felt a shiver roll down the notches in her spine. She instantly sat at the demand, letting Clarke undress her armor. Clarke unbuckled the straps that forced the metal tight against Lexa's chest.

Clarke took off the breast plate, exposing a beautiful undershirt that had a plunging neckline, showing off Heda's breasts perfectly.

Clarke whimpered quietly to herself, then proceeded to remove the heavy metal keeping Lexa's gorgeous body captive.

After Lexa was left in simple underclothes - a shirt with long, tight black pants - Clarke helped Lexa lean fully on the bed and back against the headboard.

The blonde slowly untangled the mess of soaked bandages, trying not to notice Lexa holding back her winces of pain. When the wound was fully uncovered, Clarke looked in horror at gaping slash that spread across the radius of Lexa's palm

Ignoring her emotional conflict, Clarke thoroughly washed the wound, and since there was no thread, she had to cauterize it, using a metal spoon and the unforgiving flame of a candle. Lexa couldn't hold back her scream this time, and Clarke rushed to the top of the bed after she finished wrapping and securing new bandages.

She smoothed Lexa's curly brown locks from her face and kissed her sweaty forehead, letting the brunette recover from the searing pain in her palm.

Lexa pushed Clarke away, holding her at arm's length. Clarke's heart pulsed at the rejection, but hearing the stutter, Lexa quickly reassured her.

"Clarke, I need to tell you something."

Clarke stiffened. Deep inside, she hoped this would be it. Here, in this candle-lit room, sitting on Heda's inviting bed. But then Lexa continued.

"I've been challenged to fight Roan from Ice Nation. I must travel to Azgeda tomorrow. The first to die will lose."

Clarke felt her heart wrench. She could lose Lexa. The blonde shot from the bed, now standing beside it. Lexa panicked, seeing the disgust and hesitation in her love's eyes. Lexa stood beside Clarke, once again taking her hands.

"Please don't worry, ai hodness. I will be safe. Azgeda is the one who will need a new Heda. Not us."

Clarke still looked disgusted. She had let all of her walls down for the beautiful warrior before her, only to lose her again. Her throat constricted as tears welled in her hazy blue eyes.

"I have to go," Clarke said suddenly, breaking eye contact. She gathered her clothing spread across the Commander's floor, just now realizing she was wearing Lexa's clothes instead, making her departure much more painful. Her heart broke with every step she took. 

"Klark. Shof op." Lexa's demanding Trigedasleng nearly stopped Clarke's ravenous actions. But as tears began to rise, Clarke kept pushing, grabbing her fur boots and looking at Lexa.

"What Lexa? I'm not just going to sit there and watch you die. You mean too much to me, and I won't support this."

Lexa's heart fluttered. She meant a lot to the girl. But that wasn't the most important thing said.

Lexa lowered her head submissively. She had nothing else to say. But as she heard the echoing footsteps of the beautiful blonde exit the tent, Lexa crumbled.

She was finished. As her heart consumed itself in sorrow, she was more sure than ever that going through with the challenge was a perfect idea. If she won, she could busy herself with taking over Azgeda. If she lost...well, if she lost she wouldn't have to suffer in this world without Clarke's body next to hers. She wouldn't have to suffer the smothering weight of the words swarming her brain like bees, repeating: "she doesn't love you," "she doesn't love you," "she doesn't love you."

Lexa drew the strength to stand, and she began preparing for her death.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE
> 
> Notes also at the end of this chapter. Please read.

"Time for your battle Heda."

A guard's rough voice called from the outside of Lexa's room.

She was here, in Polis, awaiting in her quarters for that specific command. Lexa was sitting on her large bed, looking towards the balcony only separated by strong glass. The Commander could see the mountains from her height. It was, after all, Heda's room. It had to be on the top floor.

The brunette lowered her head between her knees, wrapping her hands around her neck, massaging the tough muscles. She was ready. She was scared, but she knew she had to do it. She couldn't stand living in a world without Clarke ruling by her side.

Lexa stood, her heart pounding in her chest. A single tear escaped from her eye, traveling down her cheek, as she began spreading her war paint across her face. Beneath the black, her green eyes were terrified. She knew it would be a painful death, but she believed it was what she deserved. She betrayed Clarke. She betrayed Skaikru. She betrayed her people, and made decisions that put people in danger. Especially Clarke. 

Whenever Clarke was in danger, it was always because of Lexa. She couldn't handle hurting her any longer. She needed to leave Clarke behind, and she knew the only way to ensure she would never run back to the blonde was death. 

She braced herself for impact and walked from her room.

~*~

Clarke pushed her way through the crowds of infuriated - yet intrigued - Polis and Azgeda citizens. This was a meeting place, the center of the two clans. This is where Lexa would fight. This could very well be where Lexa died. 

Clarke kept her hood above her head, not wanting Lexa to see her by mistake. Clarke was going back on her word. She said she wouldn't support Lexa in her decision to challenge Roan, but here she was, standing amongst Lexa's people, her heart clenched in fear and adrenaline. 

Through the tight crowds, Clarke could just barely see the stadium. Lexa walked into her line of sight, dressed in all black. She was stunning, even now.

Lexa listened to the message that contained rules of the challenge, then moved to her guard, taking her weapon of choice: her thick-bladed broadsword. Clarke knew all too well what damage that particular weapon had done in those calloused hands, and a part of her was hopeful Lexa would win. 

As the fight began, moves were quick and meticulous, each warrior calculating their best possible move to disable the opposition. 

Lexa made a quick move, hooking her foot around Roan's ankle, dragging him to the ground. She stood above him, her sword in position, and Clarke's eyes widened, hoping this would be it. 

Roan would be ashamed if it ended that way. He twisted his body from underneath Lexa's legs as she sent her sword to the ground, sticking the blade into the concrete. Lexa growled, her face furious and filled with rage. 

As Heda tried to grasp her sword, releasing it from the ground, Roan swept behind Lexa unnoticed, kicking her face-first into the hardened floor of the arena. Lexa gasped, the surprise hit knocking the air from her lungs. She had very little time to react. 

Roan took the sword from the ground, and threw it to the opposite end of the arena. Lexa snarled, her actions becoming more manic and restless as her chances of winning grew slimmer and slimmer. But then she reminded herself what she wanted. What she desperately needed to stop the onslaught of demons crashing through her brain. Lexa stopped fighting.

Roan noticed the sudden change, and was eager to take advantage. He grasped his spear and raised it high above his head, preparing to bring it down on the Commander below him. Lexa stared straight into the tip of the finely-sharpened blade, and knew this was how it was going to end. Lexa turned her head to the side, not wanting to watch it enter her heart. She smiled as she knew her death was coming. 

Opening her eyes, Lexa felt at peace, knowing her people would never suffer from Heda's hands again. 

A familiar pair of fur boots caught her eye, and though Lexa was hopeful, she forced herself not to look up. She couldn't bear the pain if she was wrong.

Roan slammed down, his spear ripping through the side of Lexa's stomach, completely going through to the cement beneath her.

She let out a horrendous scream as the pain of being skewered erupted through her nerve endings, blood seeping from the wound in her side. Lexa's eyes filled with tears as she looked towards the spear.

Now she was pissed.

Roan should've just killed her. Instead, he wanted her to have a prolonged death. Lexa refused to let this happen. She wanted to die. She didn't want to open her eyes and see Clarke, only to close them and see the blonde behind her black eyelids as well. She couldn't bear the pain any longer. So, if he wasn't going to kill her, she would turn the tables instead.

Lexa grew what little strength she had left, and pulled the spear through her lower abdomen, screaming as the pain ruptured through her stomach. She knew she hit something major.

Roan was turned towards his people, Lexa's heart-wrenching scream drowned out from the screams of Azgeda's people. Lexa lifted the spear into her hand, and with one fluid motion, she threw the spear into the heart of Roan, watching him collapse to the concrete below him. The people of Polis erupted into cheers, as the faces of the once happy Ice Nation quickly melted into sorrow and pity.

Lexa screamed again, blood oozing from her open wound. Her sight grew blurry, the world tinted black. People quickly rushed to her side, trying to stop the blood from escaping the Commander. 

But Lexa wanted it to. She wanted to lose any blood she had left, down to the last drop. Yet she had no strength left in her to tell the people that worried for her life.

Before closing her eyes, greeting the blackness around her, Lexa saw Clarke's face above her, her worried blue eyes filled with tears.

~*~

Clarke rushed to Lexa's side, pushing away the guards. She needed to get to her. She had to get to Lexa. 

As people joined her around the Commander, Clarke hissed her commands, telling everyone to back away. Noticing the love Clarke had brimming in her eyes, the citizens of Polis obeyed, leaving the girls in peace, as they chattered nervously amongst themselves instead.

Clarke felt tears in her eyes. She felt her heart wrench at the scene below her. Lexa laid beneath the blonde, her hair splayed across the ground, the green in her eyes sheltered by their lids. 

Clarke swallowed her sadness. Love was weakness. She needed to forget this happened. It was her fault for even coming today.

But then Clarke remembered their first kiss in the tent many months ago. The way Lexa's smooth lips caressed Clarke's, whispering words of love without even speaking. 

She remembered Lexa sitting upon her throne, fighting away her emotions when she heard of her Second's death. Clarke had felt the urge to smooth the rough lines away from the conflicted leader. That was when Clarke knew that she loved her. 

Lexa's chest stopped moving underneath Clarke's shaking palm. Clarke looked from her hand and up to Lexa's closed eyes. She was closed off, even in death. Her face was contorted, though a smile laid upon her lips. Clarke laughed to herself. Of course this is what Lexa wanted. But Clarke would be damned if she let her go without a fight.

Clarke took Lexa's hand in hers. She kissed the bloodied knuckles, running her lips tentatively over each precious notch, refusing to believe that the girl before her laid dead. 

Clarke felt the tears return, and instead of showing her weakness to those surrounding the girls, Clarke leaned down into the crook of Lexa's neck. 

Clarke pressed her lips to where Lexa's scent was the strongest, her tears migrating to Lexa's warm skin, dripping down her neck.

She sucked in a huge breath, her lungs shaky and her heart clenching with sadness. 

"Yu gonplei ste odon." 

It didn't feel right. It felt horribly disgusting on Clarke's lips. She tried again.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end of the story. I have a lot more planned, so please stay tuned. Thank you to those who bookmarked, commented, or left kudos on my writing. It means a lot to me, you have no idea. 
> 
> Please excuse this shitty chapter, I had not planned on writing tonight, but I felt like I needed to get this particular chapter over with so we could all move towards the good stuff


	8. Chapter 8

Upon hearing the news of Lexa's life, Clarke ran with great celerity towards her quarters, storming the guards and refusing to stop until she saw the girl for herself.

She burst into Lexa's room, candles lining every available space. The darkened sky was casting only mere slivers of moonlight onto the beautifully bare Commander, lying asleep in her large bed. 

Clarke dismissed the woman working next to Lexa. She convinced the healer that she could take care of Lexa herself. To avoid argument, the woman scuttered away, all without meeting eyes with Clarke.

The blonde took the open seat beside Lexa's bed. The wound was now closed, the stitching done clean. Kudos to Polis healers.

Lexa was fast asleep, her eyes fluttering with dreams. Clarke tried pretending not to notice that Lexa was completely naked, but it was proving to be a very difficult task. Fortunately, the brunette was covered in a thick fur blanket, just below her naval. Clarke didn't think she'd be able to handle sitting here if the fur was elsewhere. 

Lexa's pert nipples strained against the cool air of the room, and Clarke swallowed. Lexa was so beautiful like this, her face completely relaxed, her dreams erasing the events of the day. 

Her tan skin wrapped tightly around toned muscles, and Clarke felt her mouth go dry at the thought of appreciating those muscles her own way. Clarke knew she was over. 

The Sky Princess took Lexa's hand, kissing her bloodied knuckles and lightly stroking down Lexa's arm with her other hand. The subtle movement woke Lexa, the brunette stirring from her slumber.

She opened her eyes, her exquisite green meeting with Clarke's. Clarke smiled sadly, her face full of concern for the Commander. 

"I'm okay," Lexa whispered, her voice hoarse from misuse. Clarke nodded and closed her eyes, bringing Lexa's hand to her mouth again, resting her lips on the split skin surrounding the taller girl's fingers.

Suddenly, it occurred to Lexa that she was, in fact, nude. Completely bare. Right in front of the woman she was madly in love with. 

Lexa pulled away as if she was burned, grasping desperately at the furs below her, covering herself up to her neck. Clarke giggled and shook her head, watching the Commander's cheeks flush with embarrassment. 

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, her voice tentative.

Lexa looked at the girl, curious as to what she had to say. 

"I...I was really worried about you. I didn't think there was a chance in hell that you would come back."

Lexa began to interrupt, pushing herself up onto her elbows, only to feel a searing pain radiate through her abdomen. Her eyes watered as she laid back down.

Clarke was quick to react, lying on the bed next to Lexa instead of sitting beside her. Lexa's face flushed again at the proximity of the girl, but kept her cool, wanting Clarke to continue speaking. 

Clarke cuddled in closer to Lexa, wrapping her arm gently around her chest, making sure to not touch the stitching. Lexa sighed as her body was engulfed with Clarke's scent, her eyes closing again.

The blonde pushed her body against Lexa's side, her nose finding the crook of Lexa's neck, deeply inhaling the girl's foresty scent. She continued, trying to push past the lump in her throat.

"I thought you died, Lexa. I thought I watched you die in my arms and I-"

Clarke took a shaky breath, calming her racing heart. Lexa laid patiently in Clarke's stiffening arms, drawing patterns on her back, trying to help soothe the conflicted Sky Princess.

"I couldn't breathe, Lexa. I couldn't see straight, knowing you died before you knew how I really felt..."

Clarke trailed off, her emotions creating conflict in her mind. Lexa stiffened in her arms, and Clarke felt tears rise to the corners of her eyes. This was it, she thought. This was where Lexa denied her, pitied her, ordered...no, commanded her to leave before she had her guards rip her away instead. There was no way Lexa felt the same feeling Clarke had bubbling inside of her, but Clarke had spent so long teetering on the edge, that she figured a near death experience was reason to finally leap. 

Lexa knew what Clarke had to say. Her heart raced under the blonde's arms. Lexa had heard Clarke when she said it in the arena. She wasn't completely out, and Lexa firmly believes that Clarke's words are what kept her alive. Lexa had to fight for her. 

"Lexa I-"

Lexa turned, rolling to the side, ignoring the pain in her stomach, locking her lips onto Clarke's. 

Clarke moaned into Lexa's mouth, startled, yet appreciative at the move. She was beginning to worry, until Lexa cut her off in the most pleasant way possible.

Lexa smiled into Clarke's mouth, hearing the girl's moan, striking a flame in Lexa's stomach. She pushed their bodies together, the hand around Clarke's back forcing the blonde closer, Lexa's bare breasts touching Clarke's clothed ones. Lexa moaned this time, the feeling vibrating across Clarke's greedy lips. This kiss was nothing like the one in the tent. Nothing was tentative, nothing was cautious. They both took what they wanted, and they wanted the same things. 

Clarke threw her right leg over Lexa's, hooking her foot around her knees and pulling the brunette even closer, never feeling fully satisfied at their proximity. Lexa tangled her hands into Clarke's blonde locks, stroking the nape of her neck every so often, the teasing of the short hairs eliciting a beautiful groan from Clarke's lips. Lexa wanted to see what other noises she could force the girl to make. When Lexa's soothing tongue stroked Clarke's lips, begging for entrance, Clarke wasted no time in granting it, their tongues stroking languidly against each other as their bodies pressed inevitably closer. 

The girls only separated when the need for oxygen grew too great for either of them to handle. Both panting heavily, their eyes blown with desire, Clarke lowered her head under Lexa's chin.

Lexa resumed their position, stroking lazy patterns on Clarke's back, waiting for the blonde to initiate the conversation. Clarke nudged her nose into Lexa's collarbone, inhaling deeply, relishing in the scent that exuded from her tan skin.

"I love you," Clarke whispered, her voice barely heard. But Lexa's ears were tuned to the blonde snuggling into her, so she was able to catch every breathy letter escaping Clarke's abused lips.

"I love you too, ai hodness."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo....? Comments, questions, remarks? I would love to hear more feedback, it really inspires me to keep going. Hopefully that "eventual smut" tag will make its way into the next chapter, or even the one after that. If anyone has ideas they're just dying to share, feel free, I take everything into consideration.  
> Thank you for those bookmarking and leaving kudos and commenting. I was really not expecting that kind of feedback, so a huge thank you to those supporting me.


	9. Chapter 9

The spear penetrated her heart. The hilt of the broad weapon wavered in the wind, the sheared blade puncturing Lexa's being, death clouding her green eyes. Clarke sank to her knees, her anguished cry echoing through Polis. She couldn't bear the pain and swore she felt the spear slit her own soul in two. Suddenly the people around her dissipated, the arena filled with only Clarke. The gravel was rough under Clarke's knees, and the blonde stood tentatively, looking around for another sign of life.

"Why would I ever want you?" A deep, rumbling voice broke through the haze fogging Clarke's mind. The blonde searched frantically, her eyes finally settling on Lexa's faded figure standing near the end of the arena, her eyes almost horrifying as they stood in great contrast against her thick war paint.

"You are nothing. Who would ever want you, Clarke?" Lexa cocked her head, slyly stalking around the perimeter of the graveled court, her hands folded behind her back in a power stance. Clarke shrunk away from her demeaning gaze. As she turned to escape the blazing eyes of the girl she loved, she nearly ran into the hazy picture of Finn, looking down upon her, much taller than she remembered him. His shirt was stained red and his black hair hung down in strings around his face, his fiery eyes piercing Clarke's strangled front, her walls collapsing and her bravery running down her back as sweat. 

The two lovers advanced slowly, quizzical of the flustered blonde in the middle. Clarke had no where to run. She sunk to her knees and screamed for mercy.

~*~

Lexa was awakened by a soft mewling sound coming from her side. She opened her eyes, resting on the fitful blonde to her right. Lexa's arm was wrapped protectively around the squirming girl, but her hold strengthened as she watched her love fight the demons in her sleep. She felt helpless.

"Clarke...Clarke please wake up," Lexa murmured. Clarke arched her back, her hands clenching into fists at her sides, her figure tense in Lexa's comforting arms. 

"Klark," Lexa said, almost commanding the restless blonde to cease movement. Lexa reached her hand up to stroke at the side of her face and down her neck, the pale skin soft but blazing under tan fingers. Clarke arched into the touch once more, and let out a bloodcurdling scream, puncturing Lexa's heart, as she watched the girl she loved fight her demons alone. 

Clarke startled herself awake with a gasp, Lexa's soothing words in her ear and her calloused touch against her cheek bringing her back from the brink of panic. The blonde sat completely upright, Lexa following her movement. She never stopped touching the flustered girl in hopes that she would calm. 

It was odd, the fact that Clarke was not relaxing under Lexa's touch. This usually worked. Lexa had found early on that she just had something that immediately soothed the Sky Princess, even if it was something as little as a touch of light fingers near her cheekbones.

Lexa tried to get Clarke to look at her, but the blonde had closed her eyes in an attempt to calm her rapidly beating heart. 

"Hey," Lexa whispered, inching closer to Clarke, ignoring the knot in her stomach when the blonde still hadn't relaxed. Lexa's fingers rested gently against Clarke's burning neck, her thumb stroking small circles at the bottom of the blonde's cheekbone. Lexa's other hand rested on Clarke's knee, and she felt the girl shaking beneath her.

"Clarke...Please come back to me." Lexa's voice was pained, which stirred Clarke's emotions even more. Clarke opened her eyes and threw a half-assed smile towards Lexa, forcing the brunette to ignore Clarke's tears that threatened to spill under her soft touch. 

"I'm fine, Lexa. We should get some sleep." Clarke immediately sunk back down onto the bed, turning on her side and shying away completely from Lexa's touch. 

Lexa's brow furrowed in confusion as she tried to imagine why the blonde no longer wanted the Commander to touch her. Lexa attempted to curl herself around the self-deprivating girl, and was met with a tense spine and a shaking body. The brunette was confused and thrown off by the strange behavior playing out before her, and her mind desperately tried to figure out why the blonde didn't want her touch, considering what had happened just a few hours ago. Lexa went to wrap her arms around Clarke's midsection, but immediately thought otherwise midair, pulling back as if she had been burned. 

When Clarke didn't react, didn't break and beg Lexa to hold her, Lexa swallowed thickly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. Clarke didn't love her anymore.

A violent wave of nausea gripped hard at the Commander, her eyes clenched shut as she willed away the emptiness in her chest. 

Lexa gave in, not wanting to upset the blonde more. She turned away from Clarke, their backs facing each other instead, a large space kept open between them. The warmth and serenity they had shared before, their closeness and shared breaths; it dissipated into the large canyon separating the girls completely. Lexa curled her legs into her chest, the tears that threatened to spill over finally dripping down her cheeks and across her nose, onto the down pillow beneath her trembling form. 

Lexa felt her heart squeeze with guilt and a sudden wave of sadness that overtook her like a quick current, knocking all of the air from her already collapsing lungs.

Before sleep could take her, Clarke heard a faint voice break the deafening silence in the room.

"I'm sorry."


	10. Chapter 10

The first thing she felt was a cool breeze caressing her exposed back. Clarke twitched at the air, desperately grasping at the warm furs surrounding her, trying to guard herself from the rapid drop in temperature. Winter was definitely coming.

When Clarke pulled at the blankets and wasn't met with resistance, she immediately stopped, no longer caring about warmth. She sat up slowly, examining her surroundings, searching the space beside her.

Lexa was gone.

Her spot was cold and empty, and Clarke knew she must've been gone for at least a few hours. Clarke was confused, trying to ignore the nervous wave crashing in her stomach. 

She got out of bed, her bare feet turning cold as they made contact with the icy wood floor of Lexa's bedroom. Clarke wrapped her arms around herself, guarding herself from the air. The window was slightly open, letting in the winter cold. Clarke mechanically closed the window and shut the blinds, drowning the room in near darkness. She moved towards the fireplace, lighting new wood and sitting by the warmth, her hands outstretched. 

Why was Lexa missing? Where could she have gone? She surely would've told Clarke if there was a meeting or if she was to be gone all day. She always made sure Clarke knew where she was, especially after the increasing occurrences of Clarke's nightmares. 

Clarke felt a pang in her chest as her tired brain resorted to only one explanation: Lexa didn't want her. She left so she didn't have to face Clarke anymore. After the kiss, everything was fine. Clarke wondered what happened in between the kiss and this morning that caused Lexa to flee. 

Tears threatened to spill as she very faintly remembered her dream. She was so exhausted that she wasn't sure if it actually happened, but she very distinctly remembers "why would I want you, Clarke?"

Clarke twisted into herself, pulling her knees up to her chest, muffling a sob, as she realized that Lexa must have thought exactly that. Who would want me? Clarke thought to herself. She was broken. Damaged. Dropped from the sky without a return address. Camp Jaha didn't want her after Mount Weather, Indra didn't want her around the Grounder camp, her own mother tested Clarke's power, threatening her and pushing her back down to the juvenile sky girl she thought Clarke was.

Clarke's tears swept down her face at rapid speed. She used the rest of her strength to pull herself up and drag her sagging body back towards the bed. By the sun Clarke saw before she closed the curtains, it couldn't be later than 8:30 am. She had no intention of getting back up as her conscious slipped away from her again.

~*~

Lexa returned to her room around 11 that night. She dismissed her tired guards and opened the door herself, locking it behind her, intent on getting ready for the night.

When she turned, she saw the room bathed in the glow of candlelight, which wasn't what surprised her. What surprised Lexa was the fact that Clarke was still here.

From the looks of it, the blonde hadn't moved from that spot all day. Her ragged body was curled in on itself, the furs around her strewn, the upper half of her completely visible. 

Clarke's shirt had ridden up during the day, and she was too exhausted to care. Lexa took full advantage of the view, watching the muscles in Clarke's back twitch. 

It took a few lingering seconds until Lexa realized she was shaking with sobs. The brunette, pushing her own insecurities aside, took meaningful strides towards the bed.

Clarke felt the bed dip next to her, and she stifled another sob, catching it in her throat, letting only a small whimper bubble up instead. 

Lexa shed her coat and her armour, leaving her relaxed in a black shirt and pants. She didn't want to make Clarke more uncomfortable around her than she already seemed.

Lexa was nervous, but pushed past her fears, wrapping an arm around Clarke's waist and pulling the blonde close to her chest. 

Clarke whimpered again, and Lexa's heart shattered. She had no idea what kind of turmoil the blonde was suffering through, but she would not push. This was Clarke's to decide. 

Clarke sniffed and turned around, making Lexa's heart swelter with hope. Hope that Clarke still wanted her. 

The blonde tucked her head underneath Lexa's chin, pushing her body against the Commander's, her eyes closing at the beautiful scent that surrounded her. 

"Please don't leave," Clarke whispered. Lexa would have missed it if she wasn't so focused on every little sound the girl made. 

Lexa pulled away, taking Clarke's face in her hands and meeting her watery blue eyes. 

"What?" Lexa questioned, thoroughly confused at the blonde's statement. 

Clarke avoided the mossy green eyes, looking down, only to have her face brought back up by a demanding hand underneath her chin.

"I thought you wanted me to kiss you...I thought you...I thought you w-wanted me," Clarke said, her voice soft and broken.

Lexa felt her worry grow as she watched Clarke struggle with her thoughts. 

"I am confused Clarke," Lexa said questioningly, nearly ready to beg for the blonde to explain herself.

"You weren't here this morning, and I just thought...I was foolish and weak and I-"

Lexa took Clarke's face in her hands again, not rough, but no longer as soothing. Those words crushed her heart.

"You are not weak, Clarke. And you are not foolish. I..." Lexa paused, taking a breath, trying her best to gather her thoughts. 

Clarke watched Lexa's gorgeous face contort with trouble. She reached a shaking hand up, smoothing away the lines formed in the Commander's forehead. 

Lexa gathered Clarke's body in her arms, pulling her close, entangling their legs and sighing as Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa's collarbone, her warm breath on her throat sending shivers down the Commander's spine.

Lexa leaned down to find Clarke's ear, whispering her meaning of absence. 

"I do want you, Clarke. I told you I wanted you. This morning...this morning I thought you didn't want me. I thought after your dream you had changed your mind, so I gave you your space. I thought you didn't want to see me, didn't want me to touch you. I couldn't sit in this room and not touch you, Clarke. I just couldn't. I had to leave. I am so, so sorry ai hodness."

Clarke felt tears in her hair, and pressed a loving kiss to Lexa's throat. 

"I will always want you," Clarke whispered against the hot skin under her lips. 

Lexa leaned her head down again, their foreheads touching, their eyes meeting. Lexa's calloused thumb stroked Clarke's cheek and down her jaw, tracing circles under her chin, before pulling the girl into a deep kiss.

The kiss grew passionate, their legs tangling their bodies closer, their hands wandering.

Clarke stroked lazy pattern's down Lexa's toned back, feeling the tiny whimpers Heda was making at the soft touch. 

Lexa begged at Clarke's bottom lip, her tongue desperately wanting entrance. When granted, Lexa moaned, and Clarke felt a jolt of electricity towards her center. She needed to hear more. 

Lexa rolled them over, fitting her body on top of Clarke's, engulfing every curve and every space the girl had to offer.

Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces, and Lexa was definitely not ignoring the growing fire in her stomach. She pressed a sturdy thigh between Clarke's legs, meeting wetness and coaxing a low growl from Clarke's abused lips, causing Lexa to sigh against the blonde's mouth. She moved away, kissing her way down Clarke's throat, feeling the warmth and the vibrations across her lips.

Lexa kissed her way down Clarke's clavicle, stroking the bared skin with her fingertips. Clarke arched at the soft, lingering touches, desperately pleading for more. 

"Lexa," Clarke sighed, her own fingers tracing patterns across Lexa's rippling shoulders.

Lexa stopped her ministrations, causing another whine, but shot back up to Clarke's lips, kissing her more aggressively. 

"Say it again," Lexa rumbled, her voice deep and her eyes thick with desire.

Clarke ran her fingers through chestnut locks, meeting the Commander's eyes. 

"Please Lexa," Clarke whispered, bringing their lips together again before Lexa broke away to kiss down her chest.

The brunette explored the valleys of Clarke's chest that were exposed by her shirt, before quickly growing frustrated and tugging at the hem, silently pleading with the writhing blonde below her.

Clarke nodded, her breath laboured already. Lexa smiled and lifted Clarke's shirt up and above her head, throwing the fabric to the side, before staring in awe at the girl below her.

Clarke moved her arms to cover herself, her fear and anxiety creeping underneath her skin.

Lexa took Clarke's hands, entwining their fingers, pulling her arms back down.

"You are so beautiful. I thought I would never find someone after Costia, but you...you are the epitome of beauty."

Clarke blushed at the sudden bout of compliments, but her insecurities quickly turned to moans as Lexa kissed her breast, softly massaging the other. She took Clarke's nipple into her mouth and smiled when Clarke arched of the bed in desperation for more.

She flicked her tongue over the hardened bud, watching as Clarke's eyes fluttered shut.

"Please Lex, please," Clarke whimpered, her hands tangling themselves into Lexa's beautiful brown locks.

The Commander obeyed, kissing slowly down Clarke's abdomen, abandoning her breasts completely. 

She was intent on worshipping every sliver of pale skin before her. Every scar, every freckle, every mole was not unnoticed by Lexa's keen eyes. Lexa stroked up and down Clarke's sides, scratching down and teasing the hem of her pants before tracing themselves back up towards Clarke's ribcage. 

Clarke was very, very worked up. Her legs shook and her toes curled as she focused on Lexa's soft lips and soothing whines. She needed release.

She pulled Lexa back up towards her head, their lips meeting passionately once more.

"I can't, Lexa please-" the blonde begged, her hands fumbling at her own button, her skin sweltering and her fingers slick with sweat.

Lexa took her hands and kissed down Clarke's throat, nipping and sucking as she went.

"Shhhh, you're okay," Lexa whispered, her voice soft against Clarke's skin. 

Lexa unbuttoned Clarke's pants, painfully separating her lips from the blonde to pull the article off. 

Clarke looked at them like they had offended her, before desperately grasping Lexa's hand again, urging her to push her off the brink.

Lexa laughed at her love, kissing below her naval before successfully sliding Clarke's panties off with the only hand she had available. The Commander felt ecstatic and stared in awe at Clarke's naked form, her mouth watering and her own wetness growing.

"I need to see you," Clarke whined, letting go of Lexa's hand in order for the brunette to quickly discard her clothing.

Once the girls were both naked, their lips met in a frantic frenzy as Clarke massaged Lexa's breasts, stroking the hardened nipples and relishing in the amazing sounds the brunette made.

Lexa reached her hand down between Clarke's open legs, softly stroking the pool of wetness she found waiting for her. Lexa moaned and broke away from Clarke's eager lips, panting against her skin.

Lexa stroked lazy circles around Clarke's clit, watching as her love writhed and struggled to find rougher contact.

"Lexa, please, please touch me, please."

Clarke's begging mantra spurred the brunette, and she complied, putting more pressure directly on the blonde's clit, causing her to cry out in pleasure, her feet curling. 

Lexa let her hand move downwards after she felt Clarke had had enough teasing, pushing one finger into the beautiful Sky Princess. 

"Oh God," Clarke moaned, throwing her head to the side, her gorgeous blonde locks splayed across the pillow. Lexa's eyes reeled at the beautiful sight before her, before refocusing on her task.

She inserted another finger, setting a persistent pace, just enough to get Clarke to the edge, but not enough to push her over.

Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead, her cheeks, her lips. Clarke inched her own hand down between Lexa's legs, stopping at her thigh.

"Can I?" Clarke asked, suddenly very serious. Lexa nodded almost aggressively, the wetness and throbbing between her legs growing almost painful. 

Clarke smirked and pushed two fingers into Lexa's slick entrance, stroking the inside of her walls, watching as the brunette above her threw her head back in ecstasy. 

They matched pace, their eyes and lips connecting, until both reached the brink. 

"Come for me Clarke," Lexa moaned against Clarke's neck, her lips nipping at the skin there, causing red and purple marks to bloom. 

The pain and the pleasure pushed Clarke over. She screamed her release as wave after wave of pleasure crashed into her shaking body, desperately clawing at the furs below her until Lexa took her hand, their fingers entwining. Lexa felt Clarke's walls clench around her digits, and just then, Clarke curled her fingers, throwing Lexa over the edge as well, her body shaking over Clarke's.

Lexa worked her through her orgasm, watching as the satiated blonde came down from her high, her eyes unfocused and her mouth drawn up in a lazy smile. 

Lexa extracted her fingers as Clarke did the same, both girls maintaining their position. Lexa threw one leg over Clarke's, her elbows over Clarke's head, supporting herself.

Clarke smiled up into the hazy green eyes above her as she felt nimble fingers comb gently through her mussed hair. Clarke closed her eyes and gave herself in to the surprisingly innocent touches, considering what just happened. 

Clarke wrapped the furs around their naked bodies, her hands lingering on Lexa's back, massaging the toned muscles she found there.

Lexa nudged Clarke's nose with hers, their eyes closing as they kissed languidly, softly, innocently. 

"I will always want you Clarke," Lexa muttered against Clarke's lips. She no longer doubted it. 

A rush of emotions fluttered through both of the girls. Lexa rested her head on Clarke's shoulder, drawing lazy patterns on her bare chest. Lexa kissed every open expanse of skin she could, and Clarke sighed contentedly, her eyes drooping and her arms wrapped around her love, just as Lexa did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shit chapter, I really wanted it to turn out better than it did. Anyway, this is the end of this story. If you guys like my work and want me to do another, please share your ideas or send support. You can also read this story on my Wattpad account by the same username, and you can always share your ideas with me there. I would love to write something else.  
> Thank you for the comments and the feedback and the kudos, it all means a lot. I really was not expecting that. The comments and feedback mean so much to me, so thank you to everyone who supported.


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